Saturday, May 16, 2009

.the hardest month.

Well, I have not updated in awhile. The month of May has had some of the biggest accomplishments of my life, but also some of the saddest moments. I finished school. I graduated from ASU with a bachelor of arts degree in Psychology. I should be ecstatic about this; don't get me wrong. I am. But it is overshadowed by the clouds that came upon my life on May 5th.

My very beautiful and wonderful friend Melissa had a baby boy 3 weeks before Elle was born. His name was Aiden. He was an amazing little boy and him and Elle were such amazing friends. I took care of him and loved him since the day his mom and I became friends when he was only 5 weeks in her belly. We went to the same doctor, we delivered at the same hospital and we spent every minute together while we were pregnant and, of course, afterwards we made the kids fall in love with each other. I held him in my arms The day he was born and he was beautiful. On that Tuesday, after I completed my finals, my world came tumbling down. I received a call from Melissa's sister-in-law that said Aiden had passed away on May 2nd. He had tragically drowned in the backyard pool.



Needless to say, I didn't believe that she would tell me such a cruel joke. It wasn't until she said it 3 more times that I truly grasped what was happening. It was not a joke. It was the worst imaginable thing. My beautiful friends' 2 year old boy was gone. I part of me died at that moment. I didn't want to freak out on the phone...I'm sure Julie had had enough of that the last couple days of making those horrible phone calls. So I took down the information she gave me, told her to tell Melissa I loved her, and said goodbye. The moment I hung up the phone, I will never forget my reaction. Even right now, it's hard to describe it. The pain is still so unbearable.





I started shaking and I yelled out. The tears came and they didn't stop. Ollie ran in and asked what was going on and through the sobbing I told him what happened to the boy who was like a nephew to us. He couldn't believe it. We sat on the floor for an hour crying. It was pain that I had never felt before.




After calling my family and explaining the situation, we prepared ourselves for the funeral the next day. When I arrived, I saw Melissa. Looking sick and pale...much like I expected her to look. I walked up to her and she just sobbed in my arms. I remember her saying, "Annie...my boy...my baby boy...he's gone". I wanted to be there, strong, for her...but I couldn't. I was weak. I lost control and sobbed with her.

The funeral was worse then I could ever imagine it would be for me. I cannot even imagine how Melissa felt. They had his casket opened and his little body lay there motionless. It was surreal. Too much for me to bear. But then I saw his mother go to him and lay over him and just wept. As I watched this, I realized that no amount of pain that I'm feeling at this moment could match one ounce of what she was feeling at that point in time. I watched Melissa through the whole service. It was so sad and pathetic. Every time she started shaking and crying, I would follow. Her pain was my pain. I wanted to help her somehow so I got up and said some words to her in front of everyone. I needed to tell her what she and Aiden meant to me. I started shaking and couldn't stop. It was so bad but I got through it. After a long embrace...the service started again and then it was over. I said goodbye.






They had one more service for him in Massachusettes and then he was to be cremated. I cannot even begin to imagine what she is going through. What that whole family is going through. All I know for sure is that Aiden is safe and in my Saviour's loving arms right now. He is watching over his mother and is helping her be strong. It's hard having a mind that likes to play tricks on you. I've dreamt about Aiden....about still being alive and running and playing. These dreams turn into nightmares when I wask up and realize that it is all untrue. My mind wanders and then I picture that happening to Elle and those are the moments that I cannot handle this emotion.

I will love that little boy forever and always. Elle will always remember her best friend. Melissa will always be in my heart and I will pray for her strength everyday. This will be the hardest time of her life. I don't know how she will move on from this. BUT she will. I know it in my soul.





For those of you who think this type of tragedy couldn't happen to you....I want you to know that it can. Put a lock and gate around your pool. Supervise your children at all times. No person deserves to go through the pain that she is going through. He was her world and now her world has fallen to pieces. Make sure this does not happen to you, because it only takes an instant...one moment, and your whole world is gone.





My life is going on...we have some happy times with family and friends and school being finished. My accomplishments are great. A 3.67 GPA in school and a bright future ahead. A future that I will most definately not take for granted. I will never take Elle and my husband for granted. They are my life, my world. As a mom, this has affected me deeply. As a person, this has touched my heart in more ways than I can explain. Children are a blessing to us all and we need to cherish every waking moment we have...because it can all be gone, in a blink of an eye.

We love you Melissa, my friend.

Aiden...I will see you again. But for my short time here on Earth, I will miss you terribly. I love you.