It has been about 9 months since my last blog. I feel awful about that. But in my defense....a lot has been going on. Eden was born on June 26, 2011 at 7lbs 4oz. She is amazing and truly looks just like her daddy.
She has helped me through some dark times and is a miracle sent straight from God to give me the courage and strength to go on. I don't know what I would do without my girls. And I cannot imagine my life without Eden in it to complete my beautiful family. Elle loves her so much, as I figured she would. They light each other up whenever they are around each other.
I turned 30 in December. I thought it was going to be weird but now I just don't feel different. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'll never be in my 20's again and that's odd. lol But it's ok. I feel hopeful for my 30's.
Most of you know what event took place on October 28. My father....my sweet, amazing father...the man who could and would never let me down, left this world and entered Jesus' loving arms. He fought cancer for over 6 years and finally he just didn't want to fight anymore. It has been.....weird. For lack of a better word. For instance, right now as I'm typing this I am overcome with emotion. I miss him so much but there are certain days when it feels like he is on vacation and that he'll be back soon...but then there are other days when it hits me like a ton of bricks that I will not see his face again...at least in this life I won't. I won't hear him call me smidget (like my papa used to) or make a silly joke that made me call him a nerd. Or....and this is the hardest to swallow....that he won't be here to see my kids grow up. It's hard for me when I think of Elle....She knew him so well. She loved him and misses him. But she's still young and doesn't quite understand what happened to him. And then I look at Eden. My little pumpkin who was only 4 months old when she lost him. I have such amazing pictures of the 2 of them together....but it still hurts knowing that she will never remember him or know him. She is growing so fast and it devastates me to think that he is going to miss this.
But in all this, I know he would never change how things happened. Nor would he want to be anywhere else other than where he is right now. He lived for his faith...for Jesus. I can only imagine that he is having the time of his life.
I went through alot in the last year. Most of you know what I'm talking about...Everything happened at the same time and I just didn't know how to cope. I'm getting there tho. Slowly...surely. The only thing I have now is faith. Faith that it will get better...faith that I will heal...faith that each day my family mends...faith for my children...faith for my husband. Faith that, no matter what, it will all be ok and it will turn out the way God intended. My prayer is to not be scared...to be strong...and not let every insecurity I have weigh me down. It's an awful feeling being in that pit of darkness. I'm ready to climb out. I have so much love in my life. I know that....With that, I will be ok.
