.the hardest month.

Well, I have not updated in awhile. The month of May has had some of the biggest accomplishments of my life, but also some of the saddest moments. I finished school. I graduated from ASU with a bachelor of arts degree in Psychology. I should be ecstatic about this; don't get me wrong. I am. But it is overshadowed by the clouds that came upon my life on May 5th.

My very beautiful and wonderful friend Melissa had a baby boy 3 weeks before Elle was born. His name was Aiden. He was an amazing little boy and him and Elle were such amazing friends. I took care of him and loved him since the day his mom and I became friends when he was only 5 weeks in her belly. We went to the same doctor, we delivered at the same hospital and we spent every minute together while we were pregnant and, of course, afterwards we made the kids fall in love with each other. I held him in my arms The day he was born and he was beautiful. On that Tuesday, after I completed my finals, my world came tumbling down. I received a call from Melissa's sister-in-law that said Aiden had passed away on May 2nd. He had tragically drowned in the backyard pool.



Needless to say, I didn't believe that she would tell me such a cruel joke. It wasn't until she said it 3 more times that I truly grasped what was happening. It was not a joke. It was the worst imaginable thing. My beautiful friends' 2 year old boy was gone. I part of me died at that moment. I didn't want to freak out on the phone...I'm sure Julie had had enough of that the last couple days of making those horrible phone calls. So I took down the information she gave me, told her to tell Melissa I loved her, and said goodbye. The moment I hung up the phone, I will never forget my reaction. Even right now, it's hard to describe it. The pain is still so unbearable.





I started shaking and I yelled out. The tears came and they didn't stop. Ollie ran in and asked what was going on and through the sobbing I told him what happened to the boy who was like a nephew to us. He couldn't believe it. We sat on the floor for an hour crying. It was pain that I had never felt before.




After calling my family and explaining the situation, we prepared ourselves for the funeral the next day. When I arrived, I saw Melissa. Looking sick and pale...much like I expected her to look. I walked up to her and she just sobbed in my arms. I remember her saying, "Annie...my boy...my baby boy...he's gone". I wanted to be there, strong, for her...but I couldn't. I was weak. I lost control and sobbed with her.

The funeral was worse then I could ever imagine it would be for me. I cannot even imagine how Melissa felt. They had his casket opened and his little body lay there motionless. It was surreal. Too much for me to bear. But then I saw his mother go to him and lay over him and just wept. As I watched this, I realized that no amount of pain that I'm feeling at this moment could match one ounce of what she was feeling at that point in time. I watched Melissa through the whole service. It was so sad and pathetic. Every time she started shaking and crying, I would follow. Her pain was my pain. I wanted to help her somehow so I got up and said some words to her in front of everyone. I needed to tell her what she and Aiden meant to me. I started shaking and couldn't stop. It was so bad but I got through it. After a long embrace...the service started again and then it was over. I said goodbye.






They had one more service for him in Massachusettes and then he was to be cremated. I cannot even begin to imagine what she is going through. What that whole family is going through. All I know for sure is that Aiden is safe and in my Saviour's loving arms right now. He is watching over his mother and is helping her be strong. It's hard having a mind that likes to play tricks on you. I've dreamt about Aiden....about still being alive and running and playing. These dreams turn into nightmares when I wask up and realize that it is all untrue. My mind wanders and then I picture that happening to Elle and those are the moments that I cannot handle this emotion.

I will love that little boy forever and always. Elle will always remember her best friend. Melissa will always be in my heart and I will pray for her strength everyday. This will be the hardest time of her life. I don't know how she will move on from this. BUT she will. I know it in my soul.





For those of you who think this type of tragedy couldn't happen to you....I want you to know that it can. Put a lock and gate around your pool. Supervise your children at all times. No person deserves to go through the pain that she is going through. He was her world and now her world has fallen to pieces. Make sure this does not happen to you, because it only takes an instant...one moment, and your whole world is gone.





My life is going on...we have some happy times with family and friends and school being finished. My accomplishments are great. A 3.67 GPA in school and a bright future ahead. A future that I will most definately not take for granted. I will never take Elle and my husband for granted. They are my life, my world. As a mom, this has affected me deeply. As a person, this has touched my heart in more ways than I can explain. Children are a blessing to us all and we need to cherish every waking moment we have...because it can all be gone, in a blink of an eye.

We love you Melissa, my friend.

Aiden...I will see you again. But for my short time here on Earth, I will miss you terribly. I love you.

.dadda and elle.

So I'm going to be typical and talk about my two favorite people: Elle and Ollie. They had fun this week and I thought I'd post a little bit of what they did. Well first, Elle has crazy hair...it needs to be tamed. So I had to try and figure out the best way to sit her down so I could put braids in her hair, that way it wouldn't get knotty in the morning. This is what I was able to do.

Not bad huh??! Especially when your daughter doesn't want you to EVER touch her hair. :) The second picture is classic cuz it looks like she's completely out of it!













Well their night on Thursday started with just playin around. She loves how much energy Ollie has. Mommy doesn't have that much so when Ollie can play, it's a GOOD day for her. She likes to pretend she's like him too. :) I think she knows her daddy is a cool guy.




He is also obsessed with close-ups! ha!










Ollie found her sunglasses and she just wanted to wear them all night long. Kind of looks like Stevie Wonder. haha.


Well then Ollie got this "GREAT" idea to play dress up. He went and grabbed her dress up clothes and tried to put them on her. This is what ended up happening....
Yea, she is screaming mad. She did NOT want that dress on but Ollie insisted so here is the demon child coming out. Thanks alot Ollie. That was tons of fun. :P



The night ended with Ollie calming her down, he's such a good daddy, by playing some Wii. ANYTHING can be fixed by turning on the Wii.


Here Ollie is trying to teach Elle how to golf. I think she's got it! BTW, that's what her hair looks like when she decides to take the braids out. Lovely huh? Well at least the tangles aren't there. :)



It's been a rough week. Me and Elle have both been sick. Usually I have the energy and stamina to take care of her but when I am not feeling good it is really hard to accomplish that task. Thank goodness Ollie didn't have to work today because I was able to sleep in while he took care of her. I feel bad. He works so much and hard and I know he just wants to rest, but here he is taking ccare of his girls. It's nice to have that devotion. Hopefully this next week is a little better. Easter is right around the corner and I want to feel TEN TIMES better by then, so I'm determined to make it happen. I guess that will be my next post! For the time being, hope you enjoyed the collection of my hubby and baby on their days together. :)

.changes.

So our lives have been hectic and crazy, but hey everybody's is like that right?! Well in the next 6 weeks I will be cramming for finals and Graduating. Craziness. Finally I'm graduating. I've been waiting for this day for a LONG time. My fault completely that it has taken me this long but OH WELL. At least I did it. And thank God I had the help of my family because without them I wouldn't have been able to finish. I'm sure they're just as happy as I am that I'm graduating so they don't have to be on "watching Elle speed dial" anymore. :) haha. We are also moving at the end of May. What a horrible time to move but our lease is up and we have no other option. I'm excited to get out of this house though. We need something bigger. :P


I took some random pictures of Elle today to show you guys just how much she's changing every single day. It's kind of scary actually. She's forming sentences and being able to distinguish numbers and colors and I think maybe she's grasping the peeing in the potty concept now so hopefully I'll get that conquered soon.
She can name almost all of her flash cards and she is a crazy song memorizer. She can sing more songs then any other child I know. We sing this song every night before she goes to bed. It's an italian lullaby called "Nee Na Na". Actually I'm not quite sure if that's the real name but that's what we've called it since I was little so whatever! She now knows basically the whole thing and it's in a different language! Here's some video of her singing it. Don't mind my singing in the background :P



I got my hair cut, basically because I was sick of being lazy and I wanted to be girly for once. Ollie loves it so that's all I care about. :) I'm down to 120 pounds which is great. I was 118 when I found out I was prego with Elle so the fact that I'm back there again makes me ecstatic. Especially when people told me I wouldn't be able to take the weight off. haha! In Your Face! Now I just need some toning and a tan and I will be HOTTTTTT.












Me and Elle made this Kitty the other day from the Martha Stewart craft collection. Super Easy and fun....she had a ball. However, now she's terrified of it and won't go near it. Poor Elle. She's scared of puppets now too.


Elle keeps in shape by playing the Wii and jumping on her trampoline. Here's a picture of her in mid-air. SO funny.












Anyway, that is our lives as of late. Just trying to get through the next couple of months. It should go by pretty fast but I didn't want to forget about my blogging friends. :) Hope you all are having fun with your copies of Twilight. Here's my collection. Super funny huh? I'm just obsessed I guess you could say. BTW, that director's notebook is incredible....it's her notes and pictures while making the movie. The thought she put into it was extraordinary. It's at Hot Topic and you should really go pick it up if you love these books and movie as much as I do. And just for kicks I got that bracelet that says "I am in Love with a Fictional Character". Classic. I'm a nerd but Oh well.

Crazy Elle

I couldn't resist posting some seriously hilarious pictures of Elle. ENJOY!







HaHa! Those are so great! We also had such a blast at the Cubbies vs. White Sox game last Saturday. It is Ollie's dream one day to see his precious Cubbies win the World Series. But even though that seems like a fairy tale waiting to happen, we will settle for watching them beat their rivals 13-0. It was pretty awesome.

Our little "cubbie" had a great time as well. She's wearing her grampa's old shirt. So cute! Me and Ollie had a ball...haha...no pun intended. Can't wait to do it again.

We took Amy and Sam out to the Melting Pot for their 5th anniversary. It was so much fun. The happy couple had such a great time with great food. Amy found out yesterday that her due date of Oct. 11 is exactly right on...She got her first picture of the new baby yesterday as well and mentioned that "it" (though I think it's a "she") was moving it's arms and legs all around already. Such a blessing. We're so happy for them.

The last wonderful picture I have is one of my nephew ALex. I went to the park with him a week ago and he had such a great time with Elle. I snapped this shot just for his mommy, Missy, but I liked it so much that I wanted to put it up on here. hehe. Such a Happy Boy

So there's a little bit of our lives lately. It is going so well and am so thankful for everyday I have with them. Spring is near and once again I am blown away by how the time flies by. That's why every one of these blogs is so special to me. It shows the little things that I may have missed on a busy day. I don't want to miss a moment of this life.

.a late night love note.

Some people are never lucky enough to find someone that loves them unconditionally. For those of you who actually have this kind of love, you know what I mean. I mean the person who would do anything for you and give anything to be with you. I mean the person who comforts and protects you; a person who provides and nutures; a person who sees you inside and out; a person would never make you feel unworthy. This is only a few of those things. I feel that in order to say your vows and truly dedicate your whole life to one person, it must be for these reasons and many more. A marriage or relationship should never be complicated or difficult. There will always be compromise and there will always be hard times. That's life. But always keeping your faith and trust in that individual is key. Respecting and cherishing that person is vital. The love that is there should never be a chore. It should never feel exhausting to make something work or to love someone. I am so sick and tired of hearing about relationships who are spending more time fixing then loving. They always say, "you don't understand. it's hard." Yes I do understand. I know how hard it can get. And that's why I'm not with that person anymore. Because when it gets to that point when you're more depressed than happy, that is the time when you should let go. So many people try to stick with it because they think it will eventually get better. I want to tell those people that loving someone should not have to be a difficult matter. My husband is my best friend, my soulmate, my shoulder and my life. Everything about him makes me feel wonderful. He still gives me butterflies when he looks at me and he still makes me laugh every single day. Are you people who think it takes work to make a healthy relationship still laughing everyday or getting butterflies?? I bet you are not.

How about this:
1. Does he send you a message everyday asking how his beautiful wife is?
2. Does he keep a picture of your wedding photo in his car on his dashboard?
3. Does he kiss you before he leaves work EVERYDAY and says he loves you, even if you're still sleeping, without missing a beat?
4. Does he lay in bed with you and ask what is wrong and then talk you through it?
5. Does he bring home flowers on no special occasion, just because he loves you?
6. Does he set up a makeshift massage parlour in your living room and give you a much deserved massage one night as a surprise for when you got home? (<---yes, he does that!)

7. Does he just pull you to him and hold you when you're having a really bad day?

8. Does he cry with you when you are hurting?

9. Does he clean the house for you while you're at school (or work) and surprise you when you get home?

10. Does he call you and tell you he misses you EVERY SINGLE DAY?

11. Did he remember to say Good Luck when you needed it most?

12. Does he try everything he can to provide for you?

13. Does he stay up late with you even though he is tired from working all day just to make you feel better?

There is so much more I could put into this blog but I would be writing forever! These are just a few of the things Ollie has done for me in the last week. Seriously. He is amazing. We miss each other like crazy these days, mainly because he works 2 jobs and I'm at school all day on the days he doesn't work. However, even with that, we couldn't love each other any less. I often wonder how I got so lucky. He says he is the one who got lucky. :) All I know is that this man is the perfect example of who a man is supposed to be. He is the most loving and devoted father. It pains him to not see Elle as much as I do. It seriously makes him sad. When he sees her face it just lights him up inside. She is his achilles heal and it makes me beam. How could I have asked for anything better? Well, it does get better. He is a God-fearing man. He loves the Lord more than me and Elle combined....if that's even possible. Have you ever stayed up late talking about God with your significant other? I'm sure alot of you who read my posts do....but I'll let you in on a little secret. I think we are the only people our age who do something like that these days. It's just how the times have gone. Sadly, young people are drifting more and more away from the roots of spirituality and it's very sad. I believe that this strong foundation built on our faith is why we love each other so much. I believe it is what has made us strong and I believe it is what will make us last until we are old and gray. I wish so many of you could experience this kind of love that I have. He takes my breath away still.

I know alot of you are sick of this mushy gushy stuff right now but I had to write this down as a testament of how much I appreciate him and everything he has done for me. This week he has kept me sane and has kept me feeling worthy. I love him for that. He deserved a blog about him and I thank God for the wonderful life and future He has given to me. For those of you who read this and aren't experiencing this with you significant other, I feel sorry for you. This is how it is supposed to feel. This is how it is supposed to be. This is what love is. Remember that. I'll end it with a very famous love song...He is my prince charming.

So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love, So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine

My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly, I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle
that I've been dreaming of
MmmmmmMmmmmm
So this is love